Chapter 7: Etiquette and Unwritten Rules

French café etiquette operates through unwritten rules more complex than legal codes. Mastering these conventions marks the difference between tourist and habitué, between tolerated presence and welcomed participation.

Greeting protocols matter enormously. Enter saying "Bonjour" (before 18:00) or "Bonsoir" (after). This acknowledges the social space and those within it. Failure to greet brands one as malpoli (badly raised). Similarly, "Au revoir" upon leaving maintains social contracts.

Table selection follows hierarchy. Single patrons shouldn't claim four-person tables during busy periods. Couples avoid six-person banquettes. The goal balances personal comfort with collective efficiency. During crowded times, sharing tables becomes acceptable—though conversation between parties remains optional.

Service interaction requires finesse. French servers are professionals, not friends. Eye contact and slight hand raises attract attention. Snapping fingers or calling "Garçon!" marks ignorance. "S'il vous plaît" when ordering and "Merci" when served represent minimums. Building server relationships takes time and consistency.

Payment customs confuse many visitors. L'addition (the bill) arrives only upon request—servers won't pressure departure through premature bill presentation. The French verb "régler" (to settle) better captures the transaction than "payer" (to pay). Tips (pourboires) aren't obligatory but small amounts show appreciation.

Noise levels require calibration. French cafés buzz with conversation but not shouting. Mobile phone discussions should remain discrete. Children are welcome but expected to remain relatively contained. The goal is animation without disturbance—energy that includes rather than excludes.

Personal space paradoxes abound. Tables practically touch, yet invisible boundaries remain. Reading others' newspapers over shoulders violates norms. Direct staring is rude, though peripheral awareness is expected. The art lies in being present without intruding.